Off the Wall Stuff

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” the man asked. “No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on hunting stuff instead of food?” the man asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t hunted in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting .”

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Tags: drinking, fishing, hunting, just for perspective

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Tags: doing nothing, facebook, nobody liked this

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Tags: butt, cannibal, girlfriend, pucks

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Tags: dinosaur, got your back, stick figures

A boy is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies, “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time. As the boy’s nervousness builds, he
remembers his father’s advice and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl, “Do you like potato pancakes”?

She says, “No” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.

He asks, “Do you have a brother”?

Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks, “If you did have a brother, do you think he would like potato pancakes”?

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During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.

When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.

“Does your dog have a license”? he asked.

“Oh, no,” the man said. “He doesn’t need one. I always do the driving.”

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Tags: first date, unlicensed dogs

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Tags: hands of a woman, lesbrarians